


We Had Today

by grimouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Cheating, Emotional Infidelity, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 05:31:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6457813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimouis/pseuds/grimouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Guess Louis' a fan then?" Nick can't help but asks, even though Louis already told him that he listens to the show. He's got the same problem with people adoring him, as he got with compliments. He doesn't even bother hiding when he's fishing for them.</p><p>"I'm proper fangirl like and all, me," Louis jokes. Liam grins like he thinks it's the greatest thing Louis' ever said.</p><p>Nick imagines that the grin he's sporting himself looks something along the lines of Liam's.</p><p>or; Nick never meant to fall for his new intern, especially considering that said intern is engaged to be married.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Had Today

**Author's Note:**

> Hii!
> 
> This is my first ever proper fic (besides tiny 1k fics), and I'm so excited about it. Credit to the lovely Tiffany who made a banner and a playlist you can watch and listen to here!
> 
> (disclaimer: I don't own One Direction or anything affiliated with them)

This is such a bizarre situation, Nick thinks as he rings the doorbell. Or well, not bizarre but. Different. He’s standing in front of a two story house, clutching a bottle of champagne in a lovely neighbourhood. It’s perfect for families with kids and a dog or two. 

It's so far from the life Nick is living. It almost scares him a bit.

He can hear the happy chatting from the inside, drowning out the music. He raises a hand to run it through his hair, but decides against it when he realises that it’ll ruin the styling.

He kind of already regrets doing this a bit.

He hasn’t seen Dan in forever. They’d kept some kind of contact of course, texting once in awhile to hear what’s been going on in each other's lives. Everything considered, it’d been kind of a shock when Dan had told him that he was getting married. They've gotten old he realises. Or, well not old but older. It's been over half a decade since they graduated and now Dan is getting married. 

Nick don’t think he’s ever been in a serious relationship.

Dan had always been the more serious relationship type, so it’s no surprise that he would be the first of the two of them to get married.

Nick is just about to ring the doorbell again when it opens, revealing Dan’s smiling face.

He's gotten older, more mature. There's lines around his eyes that didn't used to be there and he's sporting a bit of a beard and a slicked back, proper grown-up hairdo. He looks so much more different from the Dan Nick used to know at uni. The thought gives his heart a sharp pang of something.

“Hiya!” Nick says, and waves a bit awkwardly. God.

“Nick! Thought I saw it was you through the window, come on in.” Dan opens the door wider and gestures for Nick to step inside.

“You didn’t hear the doorbell?” Nick asks, as he walks into the house. It's just as lovely on the inside as it was on the outside. Wooden floor and expensive looking carpets on the floor and just as expensive looking furniture littering the room. This is just the hallway.

“The doorbell’s broken,” Dan answers. “You’re lucky I saw you, else you’d stood out here forever.”

“Would’ve probably just walked in then.” He reaches an arm out, holding out the champagne he brought. He’s not sure if that’s what you do when you’re invited to an engagement party. He's never been to one of those before.

“Oh my favourite, you remembered!” Dan exclaims as he looks at the label of the bottle.The pure look of joy on his face is enough to calm Nick's nerves.

“Of course I remembered,” Nick scoffs, smile tugging at his lips. "You didn't drink anything else for three years. I thought it was going to come out of your ears at one point."

Dan just laughs at that.

Nick is just about to comment on how lovely the house is, as you do, when Dan pulls him into a hug.

“It’s been way too long! I missed your ugly mug.”

Nick would've been offended by that if it was anyone else. But it's Dan. He's missed him.

“What are you talking about, my mug is fabulous," Nick answers, cheeks hurting from grinning so much.

“Haven’t changed a bit, I see,” Dan comments, mirroring Nick’s grin.

“I missed you too,” Nick says, because he can’t not.

They used to be the best of friends. Nick regrets not being better at keeping contact. He doesn't even remember the last time he saw Dan. When they'd first finished uni, they'd texted and called almost daily, which had then turned into a text every few months with an empty promise of a lunch date, way to quickly.

They just stand there, grinning at each other like lunatics for a few moments, until Dan snaps out of it.

“Come in, come in,” Dan closes the door behind Nick. “I’ll introduce you to Jay.”

“The lucky lady?” Nick asks.

“Yes,” Dan answers. Back at uni he’d be embarrassed by Nick asking this, but now he just looks so proud.

He navigates Nick into the livingroom where the party seems to be. The livingroom is just as perfectly furnished as the hall was. Expensive furniture and complete decor. Nick feels a pang of jealousy at how Dan seems to have his life together.

They walk through the mass of happy people, chatting. It takes a while, Dan having to stop at every couple guests to ask them if they’re all right or if they need anything, but then at one point they reach a small woman with beautiful dark curls and charming crinkles by her eyes. This has to be her, Nick thinks. She’s just Dan’s type.

“Hi darling.” Dan kisses her cheek, slinging an arm around her waist. “This is Nick, Nick this is Johannah, my fiancée.”

“Lovely to finally meet you Johannah.” Nick reaches a hand out, taking hold of hers.

“You too,” she says beaming so wide. "And just call me Jay really, no one ever calls me Johannah.”

They chat for a bit after that, just small talk about how they’ve been and how Jay and Dan met and stuff appropriate for how they’re acquaintances more than friends. They part too quickly for Nick’s liking though, Jay and Dan being obligated to chat with all their guests.

Nick spends the next few hours chatting to people he either recognise from uni or who recognise him. It’s pleasant but awkward.

An hour later he’s standing by himself in the living room, nursing a lukewarm beer. He’d needed a bit of a moment to breathe, because everyone is either married or in committed relationship. He takes a sip of his beer, wondering if it’s normal feeling this left out.

He scrunches his nose. He doesn't even like beer that much. He much prefers wine.

"So, what's a celebrity like you doing here?" A voice pipes up at his left. When Nick looks, there's a guy standing there. Nick hadn't noticed him.

"I don't think I'd classify myself as a celebrity, to be honest."

"You've had a paparazzi take your picture, that counts as a celebrity," the guy says. He's quite attractive really, what with his swoopy golden fringe, his perfect cheekbones and blue eyes just as sharp. "Dunno why they would though."

"Excuse me?" Nick asks, not sure if he should be proper offended.

"Oh, I mean like. Paparazzi's a stupid job. Why would you use all your time taking pictures of irrelevant people?" The guy explains. He tugs on the collar of the blue shirt he's wearing and makes a face. He's really attractive, actually. “Sorry it wasn’t meant like that. Something happened to my brain to mouth filter when I was a kid, I think.”

Nick snorts and takes another sip of his beer. He really needs to get rid of the beer before he does something embarrassing, like spit it out all over attractive boys. "All right, but yeah. I agree, they're proper annoying, they are."

The guy chuckles, and it's quite a nice sound.

"Bride or groom?" The guy asks then, after a moment of comfortable silence.

"Hm?"

"Do you know Jay or Dan?"

"Oh. Dan. Me and him were proper best friends at uni." Nick shrugs, smile tugging at his lips.

"I actually did know that," the guy says. His face is all scrunched up in a happy smile. He sticks his hand up somewhere in Nick's direction. "I'm Louis, by the way. Jay's oldest kid."

"Nice to meet you Louis," Nick says, taking Louis' hand in his own. It's noticeably smaller. "I'm Nick."

"Yeah, I knew that too. Listen to your show quite often, don't I?"

"Oh, you do? Whatcha' think?" He asks, because he shamelessly loves compliments.

"If I thought it was shit, I wouldn't be listening now. Would I?" Louis gives him a bit of an unimpressed look.

"I don't know, maybe you were one of the people who only listens to criticise whatever I say."

"Do people really do that?" Louis asks, looking a bit dumbstruck. He doesn't wait for Nick's answer before he continues. "Their lives must be just as boring as paparazzi’s are."

Nick snorts. "Yeah, probably," he agrees. "So, you're Jay's son, huh?" He leans back against the wall, the picture of pure casualty. Louis is just Nick type, now that he’s properly looking at him. Small and beautiful but somehow he still seems like the biggest person in the room. But Louis is clearly a lot younger and he's Nick's old best friend's bloody step son.

"Yeah, the one and only." He snorts. Nick does remember Dan mentioning that he was dating a proper grown up woman with kids and all, at one point.

"The one and only," Nick repeats, smile playing on his lips. "I wasn't aware that Jay has grown up kids."

"She was quite young when she had me. I'm eight years older than my oldest sibling, so," Louis explains.

"Ah, that makes sense." Nick nods to himself. "Sorry if I- you know. My family is well boring, no interesting age gap or. Well," Nick trails off. Considered that he talks for a living, his vocabulary is quite unimpressive right now. Pretty boys does that to him.

"People are usually quite confused about my family. I'm used to explaining it, don't worry." Louis shrugs. He opens his mouth as if he's just about to say something else, when a pair of arms wrap around his waist and a proper fit lad appears behind him.

"Hey babe," the guy says, kissing Louis' cheek. He smirks a bit when his eyes land on Nick. "Knew I'd find you here."

Louis rolls his eyes, and swats at the guy's arm. 

"Nick, this is my financé Liam. Liam, this is Nick," Louis says, gesturing a hand between them.

"Guess Louis' a fan then?" Nick can't help but asks, even though Louis already told him that he listens to the show. He's got the same problem with people adoring him, as he got with compliments. He doesn't even bother hiding when he's fishing for them.

"I'm proper fangirl like and all, me," Louis jokes. Liam grins like he thinks it's the greatest thing Louis' ever said.

Nick imagines that the grin he's sporting himself looks something along the lines of Liam's.

"Nah, you're not even close to their level. Some of them are pretty weird," Nick says. "Not that I don't think it's great. It's healthy to be passionate about stuff, especially in their age."

Louis just smiles wide at him. "You’ve only known me for like 10 minutes," he says. "You don’t know if I’m a crazy stalker. I might know what kind of pants you’re wearing right now."

Nick barks out a loud laugh, unable to hold it in. 

“Well, this is an interesting conversation,” Liam says, smiling but looking utterly confused.

"So, are you studying anything at uni or?" Nick asks, gestures towards both Louis and Liam, when he’s collected himself again. He’s eager to continue the conversation for some reason.

"Yeah, I just finished studying communication actually," Louis replies, how proud he is evident in his eyes. "Liam's still studying."

Nick twirls the beer bottle between two fingers, kind of desperately wishing it was wine. He points the bottle vaguely towards Liam. "Whatcha' studying then?"

"Music," Liam says. He's still got his arms around Louis.

"That's dead exciting, yeah? Planning on becoming something big one day?" The question is mostly directed at Liam’s future, but his answer is, "Louis here, is planning on becoming a radio host. Isn't that right?"

Louis just shrugs, indifferent, but his cheeks have turned a quite lovely shade of pink.

"Really?" Nick asks, excited. "I suspected you weren't just talking to me for fun." He didn't really, but he likes to look like he's got everything figured out.

"Nah, that was mostly because I like your show. I'm everything but immune to your charm, just like everyone else."

Nick looks past Louis to Liam, wondering if he should consider what Louis is doing flirting. Liam, though, is just smiling, looking a bit like a doped puppy. Louis isn’t flirting then, Nick guesses.

He reaches a hand up to hold over where his heart is. "That warm my heart," he says, voice dramatic for effect. 

Louis grins.

"Actually," Nick says as he fishes his phone up from his jeans pocket. He wouldn't normally do this for anyone else, but there's something about Louis, other than how attracted Nick is to him. "Are you doing anything after the summer's over? I'm pretty sure we have a internship coming up sometime during the fall and if you're interested, I could probably lay a good word in for you."

Louis looks disbelieving for a moment or two, before he comes to himself. "Really?" He asks. "That's the dream."

"Yeah sure," Nick says shrugging, like it's nothing. "Give me your number and I'll give you a call if they're interested."

"Yeah, definitely." Louis grabs the phone and types in his number under a new contact. He saves the number under his name and a bunch of emojis. It's nothing special, really. But Nick is horribly endeared. It's embarrassing. "Thanks."

"No problem," Nick grins. He briefly thinks that the look on Louis' face is worth it, even if Louis is shit at the work and Nick gets scolded for recommending him. It's a scary thought and it's over just as quickly as it came. Christ, he's just met the guy.

They continue the conversation for a few minutes before Liam interrupts them, tugging on Louis' sleeve. He'd disappeared for a brief moment, apparently. Nick would be lying if he said he'd noticed.

"Hey, Lou," he says, just for Louis to hear. "Think your mum needs your help. She's asking for you."

Louis looks over his shoulder and his face splits into a fond smile when he sees her. "Yeah, um." He turns to Nick. "It was nice talking to you, and thank you. Really. Thank you so much."

"It's no problem honestly." He waves a little awkwardly, as Liam tugs Louis away. Their hands intertwined. "I'll see you, hopefully."

Louis' answering smile is absolutely blinding.

He doesn’t really see Louis for the rest of the evening, only catches a glimpse of him chatting to what Nick guesses must be everyone in at the party. It’s weird how, whenever Nick sees him laugh across the room, he feels his own lips twitching up into a smile. Louis must be the kind of person, which laugh is just as contagious as any drug.

Nick doesn’t think he’s ever met a person like that before.

~*~

Nick is gathering up his stuff, pocketing his phone and saying bye to the people remaining in the studio after the show.

He’s dead tired, having not been able to sleep the night before. He’d been busy the whole weekend, and having to get up at 5am every day, five days a week has got him exhausted. So he’s not really thinking about it when he rushes out the studio, already able to feel his soft sofa. God, he needs a proper nap.

So it’s not long before he’s out the door, enjoying the last warmth of the summer sun on his face. He’s heading towards his car, keys ready in his hand. He heaves his satchel higher up his shoulder.

He doesn't get very far before he bumps into another person.

"Shit, sorry!" he exclaims. He drops his keys down onto the concrete beneath him. He quickly ducks down to pick them up, a tiny fear of losing them prickling beneath his skin.

"No, no. I didn't look where I was going, sorry. Here," the other guy reaches his hand out and- Nick recognises that voice. He looks up.

"Louis," he breathes out, as soon as his eyes meet Louis’. He clears his throat. "Louis, hi. Hey."

"Hi Nick," Louis says as Nick takes his hand and gets up in a standing position. He's just as pretty as Nick remembers.

"You got the internship then? I didn't even know!" Nick smiles at him, reluctant to let go of his hand. He does it anyway. Anything else would be horribly awkward.

"Yeah." Louis clears his throat. "I did, yeah. Thanks for, you know." He shrugs. "The good word. It clearly helped."

"Don't be so self depriving. It's not healthy." He smirks a bit, hoping that it comes off a charming.

Who's he kidding. Of course it does.

"All right." Louis laughs. "What's the clock say, by the way? Don't wanna be late on me first day," Louis says, proud.

Nick looks at his wristwatch. "Quarter to," he tells Louis. "When're you supposed to be here?"

"In fifteen minutes." Louis blushes the tiniest bit. It looks lovely on him. "Didn't want to be late. That doesn't really give a good vibe, does it?"

"Not really, no," Nick agrees. He doesn't want the conversation to end, so he asks, "have you had a good summer?"

Nick is excellent at small talk. He's the king of it, honestly.

"Yeah, I have actually. Me and Liam rented a house down south, because it was cheap and to just get away from the busy London life, yeah? And, all right. There was this mole on the beach, right, and because it's England it was proper cold, like always. But we went out on this mole, which, it was quite scheduled? It was near our house, so yeah. But we went out there for lunch one day. We sat at the end because we thought it was proper romantic and stuff. So we packed a picnic, and then went out there. But then halfway through lunch, Liam dropped his phone in the water, because he's an idiot."

"And then he went to get it, but he accidentally knocked both me and our whole picnic in the water and-" Louis cuts himself off, grinning. "Sorry, I must be boring you. It's not nearly as fun when you weren't there."

"Should have been there then, I guess," Nick agrees. He can't help but think that he's feeling a bit fond of Louis? Nick internally rolls his eyes at himself. He's met the guy twice.

"What about you? Have you had a good summer then?" Louis asks.

"Yeah I have. I just had my birthday, actually, which is horrible. I mean, I love the whole concept of a day full of people worshipping the day I was born. But it also means getting older, which is a bad, bad thing." Nick grins. "Horrible, I tell you."

"I bet. Can't imagine ever turning as old as 25," Louis says, rolling his eyes like it the worst thing he can imagine. For effect, Nick guesses. "It's giving me goose pimples, look." He reaches his bare forearm towards Nick so he can see. There's no goose pimples, but just miles of miles of tan skin. How has he managed to get that tan in England?

Nick voices his thought and Louis grins, still. This boy ain't ever anything but happy apparently.

"I get tan really easily." Louis shrugs. “It’s a gift.”

"That's unfair. I have to go around being aware of not blinding people with my white skin when you're walking around like you've just come from a month in Spain, or somewhere down there."

"Down there?" Louis asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Down there," Nick agrees. He looks down at his shoes, he feels oddly giddy and that's when he sees-

"It's 4 to, you should probably get going."

"Oh," Louis says, looking confused for a second like he'd completely forgot where they were. "Yeah I should, probably." 

Nick heaves his satchel higher up his shoulder again and waves at Louis from where he's begun to walk away.

"I'll see you around."

Louis agrees, waving back.

When Nick gets home 10 minutes later than he’d planned, he immediately falls down onto the sofa, only having taken off his shoes and his jacket. His sofa is his best furniture. It’s not incredibly pretty, but so incredibly soft. It’s like, when you lay down, it’s impossible to even think about getting up.

Puppy trots up to him, jumping up onto the sofa and lays down with her head resting on his stomach. He reaches a hand down and scratches her behind the ear.

“He’s very pretty,” he tells her, embarrassed that Louis hasn’t left his head at all. She blinks at him for a bit, before jumping off of the sofa. Nick sighs, because of how indecisive she is.

It doesn’t last long before she’s coming back, nails clicking against his wooden floor. She struggles a bit jumping up onto the sofa, considering the giant toy she’s carrying.

She lays it on her chest and breathes him in the face, waiting for. Well, something.

He takes the toy, it’s her favourite. An elephant teddy, covered in dirt and dog saliva. When he’d first brought it home it wasn’t actually meant for Puppy, but she’d immediately taken a liking to the toy.

He smiles at it and scratches his dog again. He’d like to think that she brought him the toy to cheer him up. Not that he’s sad. He’s just.

He loves his dog.

~*~

Louis has been working at BBC for a month now, and Nick meets him almost every day when he's leaving and Louis is arriving. His unfortunate feelings hasn't subsided one bit. It's beginning to annoy him honestly. He's 29 for Christ sake, he's way too old for these dumb schoolgirl crushes.

What annoys Nick the most is that he knows that if he could just fuck the guy, he wouldn't be interested in him anymore. Or well, he's an interesting guy. They could be good friends, probably. But Nick really isn't one for relationships. He's the kind of guy who changes interest like everyone else changes underwear. One day he'll be obsessed with this one thing, and another the next. 

And it's just, Nick would never admit this aloud, but he's afraid that if he gets proper involved with someone, he'd lose interest, break their heart and be known as "Nick The Dick" or something. 

But fucking Louis is off the list. Because Louis is still engaged.

Him and Louis wouldn't work anyway, he knows this. Louis seems like the kind of person that wants to settle down and have kids, like. Yesterday. While Nick enjoys his bachelor life. The only commitment he has is his dog and his job. Not that he doesn't want the whole shebang someday. He wants it. Just. Not now.

They're polar opposites on that point, but on so many other they're almost hilariously alike. Their connection should be off, due to them both being giant attention seekers and how they almost always need to be in the middle of everything and how they need to be appreciated, by laughs or love it doesn't matter. But it's not, they get along so great and it's one of the reasons Nick might think that Louis is different, maybe.

He hates how the "fuck and forget" teori is out of the picture. It usually works.

Because usually when he's obsessing over a guy, he builds up this unrealistic mental image of them. Like, he imagines that they're amazing at giving head maybe, and then when they get to the act, he gets. Well, not disappointed. But his obsession kind of fades when he realises that they're not like his mental image at all.

He has yet to experience it not working.

And like, Nick doesn't have relationship issues. He's had boyfriends before. Like proper stay-in-and-order-junkfood-while-not-bathing-for-days-due to-the-honeymoon-phase boyfriends. They've just never lasted long enough to be done with the honeymoon phase, and what comes after? Nick doesn't know. His issue with relationships is probably just how they always end, some kind of way. He doesn't believe in eternal love, not really. He likes the idea of growing old and grey with someone, but it's just such a ridiculous concept to Nick. What are the chances of being in love with someone till you die, literally?

He's not childish enough not to believe in love. Of course people fall in love and stay in love forever. He just can't see how it should happen to him. He’s never been in love. He’s convinced it’s not for him.

Nick is startled from where he's standing in the toilets, looking at his own reflection in the mirror when the door is banged open and a voice fills the silent room.

And Nick wouldn't be Nick if he didn't panic and hides in the nearest toilet cubicle, because the voice sounds proper angry.

It's not until he's perched safely on top of the porcelain of the toilet that he realises the voice belongs to Louis.

God, Nick thinks. Why? He places his elbows on his bent knees and hides his face in his hands. Even just Louis' voice makes his stomach do proper weird things.

"No, but, you don't understand," Louis says. "He knows how important this is to me." 

He’s talking on the phone, judging by how Louis hums as the voice on the other end of the line, says something and Nick. Nick knows that he could flush the toilet and pretend like he's just finished weeing or something. Make it clear that he is here and that he doesn't want to eavesdrop on what is probably a private conversation.

But on the other side...

"I know, Christ." Louis sounds proper upset. Nick is a terrible, terrible person for eavesdropping on this. "I know. It's just, I can't really cancel on mum and Dan can I?"

Nick can vaguely hear the tiny tinny voice on the other end of the line.

"Ask them to rearrange the date? I can't do that. It's a wedding, rearranging the date isn't something you just do."

The other person says something and it appears that Louis stands still then, from where he'd been loudly pacing before.

"I-," Louis cuts himself off. "I don't know. Don't. I can't talk about that right now, you know this."

Louis is silent for a while. While the other person talks, Nick guesses.

"Yeah," he then says, and if Nick hadn't been listening for it he probably wouldn't have heard it. Nick doesn't like how Louis sounds when he's upset. "I guess you're right."

Louis snorts at something the other person says and says a final, "probably. I'll see you yeah? I have to go."

Nick doesn't hear Louis moving so he stays where he is, careful not to make a sound. At least five minutes passes before Nick hears the sounds of Louis' footsteps follow him out of the room.

He waits a minute before getting down. He's seen way too many romcoms to know that Louis forgetting his mobile and realising that Nick has been listening to his conversation the whole time, is a possibility.

When he's sure Louis probably isn't going to come barging in he gets down. His joints ache and honestly. He's only 29.

Louis has not left his phone nor is he outside of the toilets when Nick gets out.

It isn't until later, after yet another boring meeting that he sees Louis. If he hadn't known something was wrong he'd have never noticed anything. It's very subtle, in the way Louis' eyes aren't as bright as they usually are and how his smile doesn't seem so real.

"Hey," he says as he approaches Louis. He should probably get home to Puppy, he's already so much more late than he usually is. But. Louis. "You all right?"

Louis shrugs. "Yeah, I'm fine." He smiles at Nick but it's not as bright as usual. "It's just." He bites his lip and let's his eyes dart around the room, like he's looking for something. He shrugs again. "I don't want to bore you with my stupid problems."

"They're not stupid, Louis. No problems are. Silly, maybe. But never stupid." He sends Louis a smile, hopes that it'll light him up a little at least. "And I'm always willing to listen if you're willing to tell."

Louis' smile brightens a little like he hadn't been expecting Nick to say that. "Thank you. But I have a job to do. Don't know if you're familiar with that, working."

"Excuse me, I am a very hardworking man," Nick says, mock offended. He can't help the way his face betrays him and a smile stretches across his lips.

"Oh, yeah. My fault. It must be very tiring waking up at 6 to talk and then go home in bed at 11." He's grinning too and Nick's heart beats a little irregularly. He didn't know this was a thing outside of books and movies.

"I wake up at 5, you knob."

"Ooh." Louis raises his hands, as if surrendering. "Bringing out the big insults, are we now?"

He’s smiling so big, like he’s forgotten about whatever was bothering him, and Nick did that. Nick did it. Making a sad Louis smile, might actually be one of the biggest accomplishments of his life. It scares the shit out of him, that he’s thinking this while he’s just gotten out of a meeting about having Rihanna on the show.

But Nick laughs anyway and realises he really has to go, when he looks at the clock above Louis’ head. Puppy is probably almost peeping the tiny dog pants she isn't wearing.

"It's very hard. Excruciating really,” he says.

"Sure is." Louis is still grinning and Nick's heart won't stop doing the loopy loopy things.

As he gets into his car and drives home, he realises that he might be really kind of screwed and that this probably isn’t one of his regularly obsessions.

~*~

A few weeks later he finds Louis at the copy room after the show's done. Louis is standing with his back to Nick humming some song and shimmying his hips the tiniest bit.

He’s wearing a pair of too tight jeans and his t-shirt rucks up at his back, above his bum. Nick might be staring.

He snaps out of it quickly though, and is just about to say something when Louis opens his mouth and starts to sing the song aloud. It's not very loud, but it makes Nick stop and lean against the doorframe.

"There's no denying who I am," Louis sings. He hums the next part, as if he can't remember the lyrics. "The girl from Tiger Bay."

"You're good singer," Nick comments. It's true, he's got a nice voice.

Louis jumps about a half meter in the air.

"Christ," he says, hand to his chest. His cheeks are a dusty pink colour. "You fucking scared me."

Nick grins. "Shirley Bassey, hm?" He asks.

"Shirley Bassey? Huh, oh yeah." He's clears his throat and Nick's grin widens. "Yeah, Li's been analysing that song the whole of last week, so he's been playing it constantly and it's like." He makes a hand gesture up besides his temple, as if to indicate. Something. Nick's not sure. "stuck."

"It's a classic," Nick says.

"Yeah, it's all right. Just not that great that'd like to listen to it a whole week straight."

"You're probably right about that," Nick shrugs. "Haven't tried it."

"I wouldn't recommend it."

Nick taps his knuckles against the doorframe. "How's it going with Dan and Jay? Don't really talk to 'em." Nick shrugs, as if indifferent, but he's kind of curious. He misses his and Dan's friendship.

Louis' whole face brightens. He really does love his family a whole lot.

"It's going amazing, they're busy planning the wedding," Louis says. "Oh, and mum just told me she's pregnant. With twins again!" Louis is beaming so hard, his eyes are nothing but happy slits and Nick finds it so endearing.

"That's great, I'm happy for them. How far along is she?" Nick asks.

"About three months. So they're gonna come in April." Louis blushes a bit then. "Sorry I'm so excited. I just love babies, and now I'll have two more baby siblings."

"It's all right. It's cute," Nick says.

"I hope one of them's a boy this time." Louis sighs a bit dreamily. And Nick was obviously right about his theory of Louis needing to get married and start a family yesterday.

"When's the wedding then?"

"Some time in the summer. I don't remember the exact date." Louis seems so excited though. Nick's surprised Louis hasn't written the date down and memorised it already.

"So she'll have the babies and loose the baby fat before the wedding." Nick tips an imaginary hat off his forehead. "Smart, that is."

"Yeah." Louis' focus is now completely on Nick, his work totally forgotten. It makes Nick's cheeks heat up a bit. He clears his throat.

"So, what about you and Liam then?"

"Hm? Me and Liam?" Louis looks a bit startled at the question.

"Yeah, when're you getting married?" Nick can't help but ask.

"Oh, um. I don't know really. We haven't talked about it, Liam's still in uni, so. Sometime after mum's probably."

"How long have you been engaged?" Nick asks, and it's just. He kind of doesn't want to know but he also kind of want to? He's interested in their relationship and he knows he's showing that he wants to be Louis' friend by asking these questions. But at the same time, he really doesn't want to know anything about them. It's bittersweet, really.

"Oh, uh. We got engaged sometime during the spring. So it hasn't been like, forever. But." Louis shrugs. He does that a lot, Nick notices. "As I said, we haven't really talked about the wedding stuff. It's more like, a promise kind of? That we're going to get married someday."

"Ah, all right. That makes sense." So they're not getting married anytime soon, Nick thinks. He doesn't know if he's relieved or not.

"What about you?" Louis asks.

"What, me? No, I'm not getting married."

Louis rolls his eyes. "No, but are you seeing anyone? Tell me about The Great Nick Grimshaw's love life."

Nick snorts. "What love life? I haven't been seeing anyone, for forever."

"Don't you miss it?"

"Miss it?" Nick questions.

"Yeah, like waking up next to someone and to always have someone to kiss and cuddle? I'd hate having to life without that."

Nick blinks. He kind of wants those things with Louis. "Nah, it's all right. I've got my dog," he says instead of voicing his thoughts.

"Oh, you have a dog? Me and Liam's been talking about getting one forever. We just can't have one in the flat where we live, it's not allowed." He seems proper gutted about it.

"That sucks," Nick agrees. "You can always come play with Puppy. She'd love it." It's a joke, but Louis' eyes light up like a little kid on Christmas day.

"Really? I love dogs. What breed is she?"

"Some kind of terrier. Here," Nick says as he pulls his mobile from his tight jeans. He thumbs through a few of his pictures before he reaches one of Puppy. He shows the picture to Louis.

"Aw, she's adorable," Louis says, looking at the picture. "Her name's kind of stupid, though."

"Excuse you. Her name is perfect," Nick sniffs as he snatches his mobile out of Louis' hands.

Louis crackles.

"Is singing a thing you often do?" Nick asks then, because Louis' got the song he was singing stuck in Nick's head.

Louis blushes a bit, but he doesn't seem bashful or anything. "Yeah, it's like. A childhood dream of mine, becoming a singer. I just-" he clears his throat. "I'm not good enough for that."

"Sure you are." Nick's not really sure when they've gotten so close. Has the copy room always been this small? "I like your voice. It's very unique."

"That's just something you're saying." Louis frowns.

"It's not. Promise. I don't go around like this, complimenting everyone's singing voice, you know. You're good."

Louis’ whole face turns a delightful rose colour at that and Nick’s smile widens so much. He imagines that he must look like some kind of lunatic.

“Thank you,” Louis says. “That’s very kind of you.”

"Well, I am a very kind person, aren't i?"

Louis just grins at him and swats his arm. "Shut up," he replies. He's quite clearly still a bit flustered of the compliment.

Nick can totally be just friends with Louis.

~*~

It’s a big fat lie and Nick knows it.

It because very clear, some day mid january that his feelings towards Louis is not, and will not ever be in the “just friends” category.

Nick has been in and out of meetings all day. The sun has begun to set. Which, that doesn't say a lot considering that it's january, but it's late for Nick. It’s usually almost still dark when he leaves.

He's just about to leave when his eye catches on a person standing by the front entrance. It's not unusual, there's loads of people at the BBC building all the time. But it's as if Nick has some kind of sixth sense, because it's Louis of course.

"Hey," he says, approaching him.

Louis startles a bit, looking up from his phone. "Hi. You're here late," he comments.

"Yeah, you know. Meetings and stuff." He shrugs, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat. 

"Ah, the busy life of Nick Grimshaw." There's a cheeky tilt to Louis' smile and God, he's so attractive.

Nick snorts. "Not that busy, to be honest. What about you then? Need a ride?" He hopes it doesn't come across as weird, offering Louis a ride home.

"No, but thanks. I'm waiting for Liam, he's a bit late," Louis explains.

"Got any special plans?" Nick asks. He can be casual.

"Yeah." Louis straightens up a bit, and slides his phone into his pocket. "It's our anniversary actually."

"Congratulations, how long have you been together?"

"Thanks, we've been together for four years now." He smiles, but there's something off about it. Nick can't figure out what.

"That's impressive, considering your age and all."

"Thanks," Louis repeats. He looks out of the window then. "Oh, Liam's here, I have to go."

He shrugs his jacket on proper, from where it was hanging of off his shoulder. "It was nice talking to you, Nick. Missed your stupid face, it's sad we don't bump into each other more often."

"Yeah," Nick can only agree. Louis said he missed him. Missed him. Louis missed Nick. He’s almost too startled to register that Louis moves in and gives him a one armed hug. It’s the closest they’ve ever been. Nick can only just muster to lift his own arm and wrap it around Louis, reciprocating the hug. The heat radiating off of Louis’ body is intoxicating and when he pulls away, Nick imagines that Louis lingers a bit, his breath grazing Nick’s lips.

"See you!" Louis says then, as he waves and heads towards the front entrance.

Nick watches him through the window, still a bit startled. It might be considered quite creepy, it's just that Louis is such a pretty contrast to the snow falling around him.

He watches as Louis walks towards Liam. Liam's got a bit of a dopey grin plastered across his face, and he stops Louis when he's just about to step into a thicker layer of untouched show. He makes Louis step into the middle of the little pile and motions for him to stand still before he starts shuffling around him.

It takes an embarrassing amount of time for Nick to realise that Liam's made a heart around Louis in the show.

Louis' face breaks into a grin matching Liam's dopey one. Nick almost looks away when he reaches out to pull Liam in and plant a proper kiss upon his lips. They look good together. What with the dark of the winter and the lights of buildings surrounding them making the thick flakes of snow around them glow.

The ecstatic feeling he'd had when Louis had said he'd missed him, sizzles out of him just like sand between fingers.

Nicks never claimed to be a poet, but that's the closest thing he can come up with to describe how he's feeling.

~*~

A week later he's forgotten the whole miss you hug thing. Or well, kind of. He'd like to forget it, but it's difficult. The face Louis had made is honestly permanently printed into his brain. He'd promised himself that he'd try to avoid ever being in the same room as both Liam and Louis to save his heart.

Of course, faith wants it another way.

He's standing at the vegetable section in Sainsbury, looking at peppers, there's so many different ones, it's ridiculous, when he hears a voice behind him.

"Oh my God Liam, can you stop."

Nick freezes where he's standing compensating whether he should buy the green or the yellow pepper. That's Louis, and of course, of course, he's here with Liam.

Nick looks around as carefully as he can for a way out, when.

"I am being perfectly reasonable."

They're bickering. Of course they're bickering. Nick can't believe his luck. The last thing he wants right now is to be in the middle of a lovers quarrel. 

That's of course when Louis notices him.

"Look, Liam- oh, Nick hi!"

Nick turns around to face him. He's gorgeous as ever in his ratty beanie and old sweatpants. Liam's standing behind him, arms crossed, looking anything but pleased.

"Hi Louis. Liam." Nick adjusts the shopping basket he's carrying on his forearm, suddenly feeling very awkward. "I've never seen you here before. Do you shop here often?"

"No, we were just in the area and tesco didn't have more lactose free milk." Louis smiles. He looks tired.

"You're lactose intolerant?" Nick asks.

"No, Liam is-" he is interrupted by said person saying, "Look, I'm just going to find the milk so we can go home."

Nick watches as Liam runs a hand along Louis' shoulders when he walks past.

"All right," Louis murmurs.

They stay in silence until Liam has disappeared down an aisle a few meters away.

"Hey, um," Nick begins, breaking the silence. "It's not really my business, but are the two of you all right?"

Louis looks towards the aisle where Liam disappeared, as if to check if he's there and able to hear.

He shrugs then. "Yeah, I guess. We just had a bit of a fight. He wants us to go to his parents next week, but we just saw them and it's been ages since we've been my mum's. It's just that."

"Ah, yeah, all right. I understand. I hate going too long without seeing my parents,” Nick agrees.

“Yeah, I’m exactly like that. A proper momma’s boy, me,” Louis grins, looking a bit bashful. “I talk to her everyday.”

Nick lets out a little laugh. “It’s cute.”

The conversation dies down then, neither of them knowing what to say. So Nick clears his throat and says the first thing that comes to mind-

“Hey, how's it going with the babies by the way?"

"The babies?" Liam appears at their right, frowning while holding a carton of milk.

"Yeah, the twins?" Louis elaborates.

"Aren't they a bit too old to be called babies?" Liam is still frowning, looking utterly confused.

"The new babies?" Louis is frowning now too, a deep crease appearing between his eyebrows.

"Your mum's pregnant again?" Liam asks, incredulous.

"Yeah? I told you that."

"No you haven't,” Liam insist, looking cross. “How far along is she?”

"Like 7 months or so i think."

"7 months? How could i not know!" Liam has raised his voice by now and Nick has never felt like he's intruding this much before. He’s never wanted to invisible more.

"Well you would have known if we had visited her."

"Don't put this on me. They've been busy with the wedding planning." Liam has lowered his voice, but he's still looking absolutely furious. "Besides, you saw your mum on your birthday."

"Yeah, I had lunch with her last month. See, this is the problem. You’re never home, we never spend any time together anymore.”

“When I’m not home, I’m at school. Don’t put this on me, Louis.” Liam takes a deep breath and seems to find his common sense. "Look, I'm sure you've told me, I must have just forgotten it, what with everything happening. Let's just buy the milk and go home, I don't want to fight in bloody Sainsbury."

Louis snorts a little at that. "Yeah, all right. You just go ahead, I’ll be there in a moment."

"I'm sorry you had to witness that." Louis says, looking sheepish, when Liam's disappeared again.

"It's all right, you don't have to apologize."

"I kind of do. I don't know what's up with him today, he's been like that since he woke up." Nick guesses that, that is the reason for Louis looking tired.

"It's all right really," Nick says shrugging it off. They say their goodbyes and it's only when Louis has disappeared down the aisle Liam did, that Nick realises he's still holding the peppers. He throws both the green and yellow in his basket. They probably taste exactly the same anyway.

~*~

Sometime late january, Harry, a guy working for them (Nick isn’t actually sure what he’s doing. He’s just there and getting paid) hosts a birthday party for himself, at some local club. He’s been with them for quite some time by now, Harry has. He's a proper charming lad, the type to befriend everyone. Nick doesn't think the kid’s got a bad body in his body.

Him and Nick hit it off really quickly, becoming close friends in a matter of days. It’s been over a year now, and they’re still close.

"You're staring," Harry comments, suddenly sitting across from Nick. Nick doesn’t look away from where his eyes are locked on Louis across the room. Louis had brought Liam with him to Harry’s party, of course with Harry’s blessing. Harry loves new people, but Nick kind of wishes he’d said no. He knows for a fact that Harry hasn’t ever met Liam, before tonight, so it wouldn’t make a difference if Liam came or not. Just that he’s currently stealing all of Louis’ attention.

Nick hates himself for thinking like this, Liam’s a really nice guy and Nick really doesn’t have anything against the guy.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nick says, not taking his eyes off of the pair. They're standing quite close. Louis pressed up against Liam's side, clutching his drink close to his chest while whispering in Liam's ear. They're honestly standing stupidly close.

"Do you like him?" Harry asks then, a stupid grin spreading across his cheeks. Stupid dimples making an appearance.

Nick gives him a look. "He's engaged," he deadpans.

“Yeah, so?” Harry shrugs like it isn't a problem at all, cheeky grin not faltering a bit. "Suggest a threesome, then."

Nick blinks.

"Have you seen his fiancé?" He asks, a little flabbergasted. "He's proper fit. I'm nothing compared to him."

"Don't say that Grimmy. You're attractive." He winks at Nick. "I'd do you."

"You'd do everyone."

"Well. Not everyone," Harry says frowning. The displeased expression disappears quickly though, when he returns to their previous topic of conversation. "But anyway, so you do like him?"

Nick hums. Harry might be a bit of a doof, he's weird and he doesn't make sense more often than he does, but Nick knows that he's able to keep a secret when it counts. He thrusts him.

"Yeah," he says. It's not loud but he's sure Harry hears. His eyes has found their way back to where Louis and Liam has begun full on snogging. “But it doesn’t matter.”

He's not nearly drunk enough for this.

He sees Harry giving him a considering look out of the corner of his eye.

"Do you wanna dance?" Harry mumbles into the hand he's resting his chin on.

God bless Harry Styles.

"Yes," Nick says enthusiastically, climbing out of the booth. He’d do anything to distract himself from Louis. "Can we get drinks too? Ones with little umbrellas?"

"Whatever you want Grim." Harry slings an arm around his shoulders and steers them towards the bar.

He's going to get proper drunk and forget everything about the stupid crush he has on Louis.

It doesn’t work per se, seeing that not even an hour later Louis comes up to them, big grin scrunching up his eyes. He does a little shimmy at Harry that makes him laugh.

“Mind if I join in?” he yells to be heard over the music.

“Not at all,” Nick replies. He and Harry had been dancing quite close, so they’d be able to hear each other over the music, but now Nick takes a step away. He’s not sure he’d be able to handle it if Louis came just as close. “Where did you leave the husband?” He nudges Louis’ side, as if to show that he’s teasing him.

“Eh.” Louis looks behind himself, like he’s checking Liam’s even there. “He went home. He has classes tomorrow, and rather appreciates his sleep.”

“What a bore,” Nick says, using a light teasing voice, to show that he’s just joking.

Harry laughs. Nick snorts at Harry’s reaction and turns back to look at Louis. He’s very pretty right now. The drinks he’s been drinking all evening obvious in the glazed over look in his eyes, his cheeks are flushed red and his lips are well kissed. Nick imagines if they’d look the same if he’d been the one doing that. The blue and purple lights from the ceiling of the club keeps passing over Louis’ face, somehow managing to make the light blue of his eyes stand out. Nick could’ve been standing there, in the middle of the dance floor like some idiot staring at Louis forever, if it wasn’t for Harry nudging him and suggesting that they continued their dancing.

So that’s what they do. It’s fun, Nick must admit. They dance like they’re twelve and doesn’t have a single care in the world, ignoring everyone around them. Minutes feels like forever and at some point Harry, Louis and Nick become just Louis and Nick. Nick’s not sure where Harry went or why he left.

It’s not like he cares either. Louis’ focus is all on him now and they have so much fun, dancing like idiots in the rainbow colours of the club.

Nick takes Louis’ hand, because he feels a little reckless, and does a twirl. Louis looks sweaty and drunk and his grin is scrunching up his eyes. He’s still the prettiest person Nick’s ever met.

It’s not until later, when several of the guests have gone home and Nick’s lost Harry again, that he finds Louis.

He’s sitting at a booth, frowning at him phone and his glass is empty, Nick spottes. So he makes his way to the bar, ordering drinks for them both.

Louis is still sitting on his phone when Nick makes his way over to him, balancing both their drinks in his hands. He’s had quite a lot to drink.

“What’s up?” He asks, as he slides in across from Louis.

“It’s just Liam, he’s being stupid,” Louis says as he happily takes the drink from Nick’s hand. “He thinks I should come home, but I haven’t got work tomorrow. It’s just him being weird with his saturday classes. I don’t get it, who goes to school on a saturday?” Louis takes a big sip of his drink, looking expectantly at Nick like he expects him to actually have an answer.

It’s forgotten a moment later, apparently, when Louis lowers his drink and licks his lips, making a happy sound. “This is amazing, what is it?”

“Tequila sunrise,” Nick says, because that he has an answer to.

“It’s amazing,” Louis repeats. He’s obviously very drunk and Nick kind of agrees with Liam, that he should probably head home soon. It is past midnight after all. “Why haven’t I had this before?” He then manages to chug the rest of the glass, and Nick can only watch in amazement.

“What’s with the face? You’re not going to be sick on me are you?” Nick asks, when Louis starts to make a funny face. Like he can’t decide on something.

“Nooo, but can I tell you something, Nicky?” Louis slurs, reaching across the table to grab Nick’s hands. His hands are clammy when they wrap around Nick’s longer fingers. It shouldn’t make Nick’s heart race like it does.

“Um, yeah?” Nick says, taken aback by the nickname.

“Yay, you’re easy to talk to,” Louis says, drawing out the easy. “But this is serious buss- business. Serious business.”

Nick nods, lips twitching up in a smile. He’s really not sure what he’s expecting Louis to say, just about anything other than what he does.

“I really wish I was in love with him, you know? We’re supposed to get married, and I’m just not. It’s so stupid, because he’s everything, you know? He’s smart and handsome and pretty and funny and friendly, and he’s like, perfect for me. But I can’t? I really can’t.” Louis lays his head down on the table, resting his forehead against the wood.

“Uh,” Nick says, confused. “Liam?” It’s a stupid question, of course he’s talking about Liam, but Nick kind of needs the confirmation, for some reason.

“Yes, Leem. Lee-yum, my Leeyum.” Louis is so so drunk, Nick internally cringes just thinking about how bad Louis must feel in the morning.

“Your Liam?”

“Yes, Leem. But Nick- Nicky,” Louis says, clenching Nick’s hands kind of painfully. “Why can’t I?”

“I wish I had the answer, Lou,” Nick answers honestly. He can’t help but immediately think about what this means for his relationship with Louis- obviously he doesn’t know if Louis reciprocates his feelings or ever will. But at least he won’t feel guilty about his feelings anymore, because now he knows that Louis isn’t already halfway down the aisle to Liam.

He’s still taken though.

When he looks over at Louis from where his eyes had been resting on their still intertwined hands, he looks kind of sad, a bit devastated mixed with confusion. But he doesn’t miss how the blue of Louis’ eyes has gone glassy with tears, and Nick thinks it might be because of the alcohol- Louis is apparently an emotional drunk. So Nick gets out of his seat, to squeeze in beside Louis and put an arm around his shoulder, soothing him.

“Hey, it’s all right. It’s not your fault that you aren’t in love with him.”

“No, no I know. I just wish I was.” When Louis looks up at him, the tears are almost gone again as quickly as they came. It must’ve been an in the moment kind of think.

They sit for a while, sobering up a bit.

“Thanks,” Louis mumbles, shuffling a tiny bit closer to Nick, resting against him.

Nick’s still sitting in the same side of the booth as Louis, because it’s nice being close to Louis and he’s drunk enough not to care.

Louis sends a tired smiled his way. “I really like this song,” he points out after another few minutes of silence, waving a hand out towards where people are dancing, indicating the song playing over the speakers.

It’s some upbeat song with a couple of guys singing about a girl they want to bang. Nick snorts. “Yeah?” He says.

“It’s catchy, don’t judge me.”

Nick knows the band behind the song, they’ve played them sometimes on the radio. He doesn’t remember their name.

“I’m not saying anything,” Nick says, smiling wide at the face Louis is making.

“You were judging me in your head, I know it.”

Nick laughs, pulling Louis closer to him.

“Do you want to go home?” he asks then, because Louis resting his head on Nick’s shoulder, looking barely conscious.

“Mh, yeah. That’s probably a good idea.” He straightens up and stretches out, cracking his back. “Let’s get going.”

They shuffle out of the booth, both a bit more drunk than what had been the plan. When they get outside after paying their bill and almost forgetting their jackets twice, it’s pouring down.

Nick feels wet, just looking at it.

“How are you gonna get home?” He asks Louis.

“With the bus.” Louis hasn’t taken his eyes off of the rain outside. “I’ll never make it there without getting absolutely soaked.”

“You could take a cab?” Nick tugs his hands up into his armpits to warm himself, it’s bloody freezing outside. It is January after all.

“Don’t be ridiculous Nick, I can’t afford a cab,” Louis scoffs.

“I’ll follow you to the bus, then we’ll both get wet,” Nick decides then.

“That’s stupid.”

“Yeah, well.” Nick shrugs, dragging Louis out into the rain.

“This is so stupid,” Louis complains, voice loud over the sound of the rain.

“You say ‘stupid’ way to much.” They run as good as they can towards the bus stop, drunk of their arses and stumbles around avoided the biggest puddles. The pavement is crooked though, leaning tiles gathering water right in their path, Nick thinks. It’s on purpose probably, the rain has some kind of grudge against him he’s sure. 

“You are stupid.”

“Shut up, Louis,” Nick grins. “You’re slowing us down.”

Louis just scoffs and follows Nick.

When they reach the bus stop they immediately rush in under the shelter, stumbling into the far corner to not be too exposed to the icy wind. Nick fishes his phone up, out of the pocket of his coat and Louis crowds closer to him. He dials the number for the cab service, hoping it’s not too obvious how his breath hitches when Louis presses up against his front, resting his forehead on Nick’s shoulder. He’s obviously cold, with the way he’s hugging himself and pressing himself closer, so Nick does what anyone else would do and wraps his free arm around Louis, hugging him.

His heart is going absolutely ape-shit-crazy by having Louis this close.

“How are you gonna get home from the bus stop?” Nick asks when he’s done ordering the cab. He looks down at Louis, amazed by the way his bone structure stands out from the brightness of the streetlamps. Louis’ eyes are glassy, he’s obviously drunk. But it’s not as bad as it was at the bar, when he told Nick about his feelings about Liam. 

“I’m just walking, it’s two minutes from our flat. So it’s all right.” Louis mumbles into Nick’s jacket. He can feel Louis’ hot breath on his collarbone. He’s suddenly glad, he forgot his scarf at home.

Nick runs his hand up and down Louis’ jacket, smoothing out the wet fabric.

They don’t really say anything for a while, just listening to the aggressive pitter patter of the rain on the roof of the shelter. When the bus arrives, they hug farewell and for some reason, Louis plants a tiny kiss on Nick’s cheek.

“Thanks.” Louis pulls away a bit. “For listening,” he clarifies. Nick is standing dumbstruck for a bit, not recovering fast enough to say anything before Louis disappears into the bus.

Nick can still feel where Louis had kissed him, his cheek is burning. He’s sure his face is burning bright red. He’s never willingly offered to get completely drenched for anyone. He’d not even to that for his best of friends.

It scares him how he didn’t even hesitate to do it. He’s uncomfortable, his hair is hanging in his face, dripping on his nose and his clothes is sticking to his skin. He’s so cold and he doesn’t even regret it one bit.

His feelings for Louis is honestly getting out of control.

It’s only when he’s sitting in the cab, on his way home that he realises he might even be in love him.

~*~

It takes not even ten minutes the next monday to find out what the band behind the song Louis liked is.

He'd probably deny it, but the first thing Nick does when he gets off work is to go to the nearest music store to buy the CD. 

It's just, he kind of feels like he's allowed to flirt and do stuff that might be considered inappropriate for being just friends with Louis. Because now he knows that Liam and Louis isn't a thing that's going to last. Not that he's trying to take Louis away from Liam, God no. He just feels like he has a bit more freedom with his feelings. Because he does love Louis, he really does.

And Nick's never been in love before.

The first music store he passes on his way home, is a tiny hipstery shop in the outskirts of London.

It's dark and it smells like smoke and dust. The walls are painted a dark burgundy colour and it gives the place a sort of cosy feel.

He uses some time to just shuffle around the shop, looking at all the alternative artists he’s never heard of before. Considering he’s a radio host there’s a lot. It doesn’t take him long to find the CD, since all the music is stacked alphabetically. He clutches it tightly in his hand, because it’s a gift for Louis and he’s nervous. What if Louis was too drunk to remember the song? I’d be horribly embarrassing if he doesn’t get it when Nick hands him the CD.

“Can I help you with anything?” says a voice from behind him. Nick turns around and, “Nick?”

“Liam, hi!” Because of course Liam works here. Sweet, oblivious Liam, who's currently standing there smiling at him. Nick feels so so guilty, even though he hasn't done anything.

Well, expect for falling head over heels in love with his fiancé.

God, Nick feels like a terrible person.

Liam doesn’t seem to notice how uncomfortable he is though, so he plasters on a big, fat, fake smile and shows him the CD. “Just this please.”

Somehow, Nick goes through buying the CD and a bit of awkward small talk with Liam without mentioning Louis once.

Nick sees it as a bit of an accomplishment, because lately he hasn’t been able to think about anything other than Louis.

~*~

The next day Nick is sitting by the entrance to the BBC building after work, waiting for Louis. He’s been there for so long, it’s getting kind of ridiculous. Nick wonders if he might have just missed Louis, because he wasn’t there at the time when he usually comes into work and now it’s been an hour.

He’s just about to text Louis, to ask him if he’s even getting in today, when a figure appears in his line of sight. It’s Louis of course, gorgeous as always. He’s bundled up in a big jacket that makes him look kind of like an ostrich, what with his thin legs.

Or well, they’re not thin at all. They’re muscular and perfect and Nick kind of want to bite his thighs.

Nick clears his throat, getting rid of the inappropriate thoughts and straightens up from where he’d been slumping up against the wall.

Louis’ nose is red and so is his cheeks, clearly having been out in the cold for long. It’s a lovely contrast to his natural tan skin. It must be raining a bit too, judging by the water droplets clinging to Louis’ eyelashes and his fringe He’s so so beautiful. So warm and delicate against the cold, sad winter. His always evident, bright smile makes Nick think he’s like summer personified.

Nick has always been a summer kind of guy.

“Hiya,” Nick says when Louis is within reach to hear him.

“Hi Nick,” he says, still fucking smiling. It’s driving Nick insane. “What’re you doing here so late?”

He might as well just be honest.

“I’m waiting for you actually.”

“Oh, for me?” Louis looks behind himself, as if there could possibly be anyone else Nick was talking to.

“Yeah,” Nick says. “I wanted to give you this.” He reaches a hand inside the pocket of his coat, pulling out the CD. He’d wrapped it up in silver gift wrapping paper when he’d gotten home. “Consider it a christmas present.”

Louis tentatively takes the gift from him. He turns it over, inspecting it like he might be able to see what’s inside. “It’s february.”

“Yeah, well.” Nick shrugs, pretending to be indifferent about it all when really his heart is doing somersaults in his chest out of nervosity.

Louis’ lips twitches like he’s trying not to smile but he can’t hold it in.

"Am I allowed to open it now, or?” He asks then.

“When you get home,” Nick answers. He hadn’t really thought about that, but it might be a good thing if Louis is home and able to listen to the CD.

"All right then, thanks.” He waves the gift around a bit. “I’ll text you when I open it. I have to go now though, work’s calling.”

“Yeah, okay. By the way, how come you were so late today?”

“Oh, uh. I had a bit difficult morning, but it’s all right now.”

Nick is just about to open his mouth to ask, when Louis says; “shush, that’s not for you to worry about.”

So Nick doesn’t. Or well, he tries.

It’s not until quite late that evening that Louis texts him. He’s sitting with a steaming cup of coffée in one hand, trying and failing to feel disappointed that Louis hasn’t texted.

That’s when his phone pings of course.

am i supposed to know who this is? says the message from Louis. There’s a picture of the CD Nick’d bought him attached to it.

listen to nr 4

It doesn’t even last five minutes before texts back.

oh god i cant believe this, you’re an idiot

Nick is tempted to text back but i’m your idiot, but he refrains from it, remembering that Liam is still someone who exists.

~*~

Nick is awoken at some ungodly hour a few days later, by his phone ringing obnoxiously loud right by his head. He usually keeps it on the bedside table but he’d been scrolling through twitter, watching what people had been saying about him for way too long. He’d been too tired to put it away, when he’d finally stopped.

That, he regrets now.

He picks the phone up and answers the call, murmuring a groggy “hello” to the person on the other end of the line.

“Oh, sorry. Did I wake you?” Louis’ tinny voice says through the phone.

“Well, considering it’s-” Nick pulls his phone away from his ear, to look at the time. “2 am, yeah.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Louis doesn’t even sound the least bit sorry. “Mum just had her twins.”

Nick is a bit more awake now. “What?”

“Yeah, she like, literally just gave birth.”

“Wow.” Nick is stunned for a moment, he’s sat up by now, duvet hunched around his naked waist. The thought that Louis might’ve called him first when his mum’s given birth is doing funny things to his heart. “Is she all right?”

“Yeah, she’s great. Exhausted, but great.” There’s a bit of sound on the other end of the line, like Louis is moving around. “God, the babies are so adorable.”

“I bet, did you get your brother then?” Nick knows that Jay and Dan had wanted to wait to see the gender of their babies, liking the surprise in it. Louis had told him about how he’d come up a weekend to help decorate the gender neutral baby bedroom.

“Yeah, I did. Finally,” Louis answers, voice is so soft. He always gets like this around babies, Nick’s noticed. It makes him want to give him every baby in the world. “His name is Ernest.”

“That’s cute. What about the other one?”

“Doris, is her name.” Nick has forgotten about all about the time, completely blocking out that he has to get up to go to work in three hours. Louis is worth it.

“Sorry I woke you up by the way,” Louis says then. “I just had to share it with someone. Don’t you know the feeling where you’re so excited, you almost can’t contain it, and you just have to share it with someone?”

“Yeah, I do.”

"And I don’t know why, but I immediately thought of you. Liam has an early exam tomorrow, so I didn’t want to wake him.” Louis sounds a bit sheepish, for some reason.

Nick looks across the room to where he has a mirror. He can’t really see it though, considering that it’s dark and he isn’t wearing his glasses. But if he could, he’s sure that he’d be met with the sight of his own face, in a deep red colour, judging by how much his cheeks are burning.

“It’s fine, really Lou,” Nick says, the nickname slipping from his lips before he even realises it. “I really appreciate it actually.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, really.”

“I’ll send you some pictures of the babies later. They’re so cute Nick, you won’t believe it.” And there’s the excitement again. God, it’s absolutely ridiculous how in love with him Nick is. “They’re born a few month early, they’re so tiny you won’t believe it-”

Nick can’t help the smile crossing his lips. He could do this forever, sit in his bed listening to Louis talk about- well, anything really. His voice is so soothing. Louis continues to ramble on for a few minutes, before Nick’s common sense kicks in.

“Uh, Lou?” he interrupts, the nickname feels oddly natural. “I’d love to listen to you talk about your baby siblings for longer.” He hopes it comes out as ironic. It probably doesn’t considering that it’s true. “But I have to get up in like, 2 and a half hours. I’d prefer getting a bit more sleep, but you can call me tomorrow all right?”

“Yeah, that sounds lovely.”

“Don’t forget the pictures of the babies,” Nick reminds him. He should really go to sleep but he wants to keep talking.

“I won't.” It’s stupid, but he can almost hear Louis’ smile through the phone. They hang up then, and Nick shuffles down under the duvet again, burrowing into the warmth.

Fiona once told him that you know you love someone when you can hear them smiling

~*~

During a news break a few weeks later, Nick is sitting, looking through some fashion magazine. He’s turning the pages too quickly to really get a look on the clothes. He feels a pair of hands on his shoulders then.

“I really like that shirt,” Louis says, pointing at a patterned shirt on the page Nick has open. “You should buy it. It’d bring out your eyes.”

The shirt is oversized and blue with some weird white minimalistic print on it. It’d probably look great with the colour of Nick’s eyes.

“What do you know about what colours goes with eyes?” Nick asks. He likes the shirt, but it’s not something he’d buy voluntarily.

Louis presses a bit closer to his back, and his smell completely surrounds Nick by then. He feels a bit dizzy with it.

“Excuse you, I know everything about matching and colours and eye colours and that.”

Nick leans his head back to look up at the boy behind him. He doesn’t expect Louis to already be grinning down at him, sharp teeth and tiny dimples on display. 

He buys the shirt the moment he gets home.

~*~

It’s mid April and Nick hadn’t really had any plans that night, so when Louis shows up at his house with a bottle of wine at 9pm, Nick isn’t one to object.

“Come in, hey.” Nick stops Louis when he sees the expression on the other boy’s face. He doesn’t look sad, exactly. There’s just something off with it. "Are you all right?”

“Yeah, um.” Louis looks behind him, into the livingroom. “Or well, no not really. That’s why I came here, obviously. Can we, um. Sit?”

He looks oddly nervous and rumpled, like he’d just thrown on the first clothes he saw and then sprinted out the door. His hair is unstyled and pushed under a snapback that has ‘Louisville’ printed on the front. It’s so like Louis to own a ‘Louisville’ snapback. Nick finds it endearing.

“Do you want to sit here or outside?” Nick gestures to the terrace, where the last of the sun is just about the set. He’s draped a multi-coloured woolen blanket over the back of the wooden bench he has and the light’s outside is turned on, their orange glow making it look cosy.

“Isn’t it too cold outside?” Louis asks, he looks intrigued though.

“Nah, you’ll be all right if you just wear your jacket.” Nick quickly darts into the kitchen to get a bottle opener, two mugs and a jacket from the hall.

When Nick gets outside Louis gives him a unimpressive look. “Mugs?”

“Shush, it was what was closest,” he says with a dismissive hand wave as he sits down next to where Louis has already snuggled up in the colourful blanket. He hands a mug to Louis before opening the wine and pouring up till both their mugs are full to the brim.

“You’re awful at that,” Louis comments, looking down into his too full mug. “Thanks for the CD by the way, I really appreciate it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure. Like, besides that song the rest of the album sucked like, so bad you have no idea. But you would probably like it, I don’t know.” He sends Nick a cheeky smile.

"And you’re terribly rude today.” Nick takes a sip of his wine, careful not to spill it. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“It’s nothing really.”

“It’s not nothing. I can tell,” Nick says, smiling at him in a way he hopes comes across as soothing and showing that he isn’t kidding.

“It’s really nothing you should worry about, I just got into this stupid fight with Liam about mum’s wedding. Have I told you he can’t come? He’s got an exam that day, and that isn’t his fault of course, but I am so mad at him about it.” Louis looks relieved to get it off his chest, but he still most of all looks nervous and tense. 

“Was that what you were fighting about?” Nick asks, gently.

“Yeah, that what was began it all. But then he started rambling about how he thinks I don’t want to marry him, since I always dismiss his ideas, apparently,” Louis says, rolling his eyes.

“I mean,” Nick begins, not sure if he’s crossing a line. “You don’t want to marry him.”

“No. I don’t,” Louis says, voice soft. He’s sitting with his foot up on the bench, knee bended, picking at a tear in his jeans and Nick’s suddenly hit by how young Louis is. He knows, of course, that he’s only 22, but right now, with his snapback askew on his head and his fringe falling into his eyes, he looks so vulnerable.

Nick gives him a considering look. “You really should talk to him, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just so bloody difficult,” Louis says, looking proper defeated. “I care about him way too much to hurt him like that. It’d kill me.”

“But being with him like this is killing you too, I can tell.”

“It is, yeah.”

Their conversation stops there, neither knowing what to say. Louis keeps picking at the tear in his jeans and the more responsible, grown up part of Nick wants to tell him that he’s just going to make it bigger.

“Tell me something nice,” Louis says then, voice quiet as ever.

“Hm,” Nick hums, considering. He looks out over the garden. The last of the sun is just peeking above the fence, disappearing oh so slowly. “I have this tattoo.”

Louis peeks out from beneath his fringe. “Yeah?” he prompts.

“Here,” Nick begins, shrugging off his coat. He pulls off his sweater then and doesn’t miss the way Louis’ eyes linger on the sliver of skin revealed when his t-shirt rides up with the sweater. It sort of feels like an accomplishment. At least Louis might find him attractive then? He sticks his arm towards Louis, showing off the scribbling he’s got permanently written on his arm.

“Puppy?” Louis questions. “Oh, your dog? Where is she by-”

“She died,” Nick cuts him off. “I’ve considered getting a new dog. But I don’t know if I’d be able to handle it well if it lost that one too.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis says. He touches a hand out as if he wants to touch the tattoo but then decides against it. “But she made you happy, yeah?”

“She did, so happy. Like it’s just a dog, but there was something special about her.”

“I think you should get another,” Louis says then, a little smile playing on his lips. “If it’ll make you happy. You’ve seemed a bit down lately.”

Nick doesn’t mention how it’s because he’s devastatingly in love with Louis.

“You know,” Louis says, sending him a tiny smile. “I did say to tell me something nice. I don’t know if showing me the tattoo you got dedicated to your dead dog is nice.”

Nick snorts. "All right. How about you tell me about some of your tattoos then?”

He pulls his sweater and his coat back on, the goose pimples on his arms almost running off because they were too cold.

"All right, yeah.” He twists the leg perched on the bench a bit and shows Nick his naked ankle. Nick’s never been this attracted to an ankle before. “This,” he says, pointing to a tiny triangle tattoo. “Was the first tattoo I got. I think I was like 16 or 17, younger than 18 at least. Because I got it of a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy who knew one of my friends.” Louis smiles down at the tattoo, stroking his thumb over it carefully like it’s something precious.

“I think I almost broke Liam’s hand, from squeezing it so tight.”

“That’s stupid,” Nick murmurs, looking down at the tattoo. He’s got a sudden urge to wrap his hand around the delicate bone of Louis’ ankle. See if he could close his hand around it.

“You’re stupid.”

Nick looks up then meeting Louis’ gaze. They’ve gotten quite close, having moved to look at each other’s tattoo and it’d be so easy right now, to just lean in and press his lips against Louis’.

He’d probably blame it on the wine when he raises a hand and moves a strand of hair out of Louis’ eyes, but he’s only had half a mug. The light above them illuminates Louis’ face in the most beautiful way, making all his best features stand out. He can’t take his eyes off Louis’ though. They’re bright blue, standing out against the orangey colour the lights casts on his face.

Louis blinks, lashes fanning out against his cheekbones and Nick doesn’t know who moves first. He just knows that he next moment his lips are touching Louis’. 

It’s nothing like Nick had imagined. He’d imagined fireworks and sparks and passion, when in reality it’s just a chaste press of their lips against each other. A peck really. And the fireworks thing he’d always read about, is not real either. It’s more like a first kiss, the nervosity, excitement and fluttering of his insides evident. It’s like he has to learn to kiss all over again.

They both pull back for a moment, but like some kind of mutual agreement presses together again. Nick makes sure to make it a real kiss this time. He reaches a hand up into Louis’ hair, knocking his snapback off his head and tangles his fingers into the short strands.

Louis seems to like the idea, judging by how he’s pressing closer to Nick, tilting his head to get the best position and to deepen the kiss.

Nick nudges his nose against Louis’ cheek and leans back against the armrest of the bench, so Louis can position himself better above Nick.

Louis’ hand fly up to clutch at Nick’s neck when Nick nudges his mouth open, pushing his tongue in a little.

Louis is such a good kisser. He knows just how to perfectly flick his tongue against Nick’s and Nick can’t help but think that Liam’s one hell of a lucky guy.

“Wait, wait. Lou, wait.” Nick moves his head to the side, away from Louis’ clever mouth. God this is the stupidest thing he’s ever done. “Liam,” he just says, because he doesn’t know how else to explain why he’s stopped kissing Louis.

“Oh,” Louis says, sitting back on his haunches. He touches a hand to his mouth, running his fingertips over his wet lips. “Oh?”

“Yeah, oh.” Nick sits up and rests his elbows on his knees, resting his face against the palms of his hands. “God, Louis you really have to talk to him. You can’t do this to him.”

Louis runs his hand through his hair and picks up his snapback that’d fallen on the ground. “‘I have to break up with him.”

“Yeah, I think you do.”

Louis blinks at him for a bit, before saying; “if I break up with Liam, you’re getting a dog.”

“What? Why?”

“Because then we’re both doing things we’re scared of, and then we can-” he shrugs a bit. “Help each other get through this?”

Louis’ lips are shiny and swollen from kissing and his hair and clothes are a bit rumpled, more than before, and he looks so well kissed. Nick wants to do it again.

"All right,” Nick says, before he can do anything stupid. “That’s a deal.”

“I should get going now, it’s getting late.” Louis gets up without waiting for a response and gathers his stuff.

“Yeah, all right. I have to get up for work tomorrow anyway, so that’s fine.”

“I-, thanks for tonight Nick,” is the last thing Louis says before he disappears into the house, clutching his hat and walking way too fast and hunched for someone comfortable.

Nick gathers up the mugs and the wine. He pours the rest of the wine out in the sink, getting rid of the memories from tonight.

~*~

It’s been a week of Louis avoiding Nick, and it’s getting quite old. Nick has seen him several times, but every time Louis has just rushed off, like Nick doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing.

He’s avoiding confrontation is what he is. 

He’s confused and stressed and so so frustrated because he needs to talk to Louis about this mess, but it doesn’t seem like Louis shares the same thought progress.

Every time Nick has seen him, he’s looked tired and a mess, with dark bags under his eyes and hair like a birds nest. He’s obviously handling this whole situation just as badly as Nick is, if not even worse if that’s possible.

He’s sent several messages to Louis, asking if he’s okay and if they can talk, but every time he either gets an not right now nick or no answer at all. It’s stupid that whenever Louis does text him back, his stomach gets all fluttery like the fucking school girl that he is. He’s overreacting and Louis still doesn’t call him ‘Grimmy’ like everyone else. Even his bloody mum calls him that, but Louis doesn’t and he can’t help but feel like that it means something.

He also can’t forget the fact that Louis kissed him.

He goes out and adopts a dog while Louis still isn’t talking to him. A bull terrier who he calls Pig. He knows that Louis would mock the shit out of him for it and it hurts that he’s not there to do it. 

He sleeps badly and tries to spend all his time doing something so he isn’t alone with his thoughts. He’s constantly got friends over and when he hasn’t he’s at theirs. The rare moments when he’s alone with Pig he distracts himself by snapping pics of her and putting them up on instagram.

His friends are worrying, but it’s all right. Louis can’t ignore him forever.

He feels guilty that he spends so little time thinking about Liam. The boy must be devastated.

Nick realises then that he doesn’t even know if Louis kept his part of their promise.

~*~

Nick somehow manages to corner Louis after work sometime the week after that. It’s been a hectic week, filled with hanging out with friends, working and spending time with his new dog. He’d been looking for Louis for half an hour, knowing that they need to have this talk now because Nick can’t stand the uncertainty he’s feeling. He finds Louis in the copy room. He looks worn out, but he’s somehow still the most beautiful person Nick has ever met.

His heart hurts.

“I got a new dog,” he tells Louis. Louis looks up from where he’d been fiddling with a stack of papers.

“Oh,” he just says. He doesn’t really look surprised that Nick’s there.

“Yeah, her name’s Pig.”

“Pig?” Louis asks a bit disbelieving. He’s obviously uncomfortable with the situation, but Nick doesn’t care. It’s been a week and he can’t stand another. “That’s a stupid name.”

“Yeah, I knew you’d say that,” Nick says, cornering him closer to the wall. He’s scared that this is the only chance he gets to make it all right. “But, I’m not actually here to talk about my dog.”

“You’re not?”

“No, Louis. You know why I’m here. I kept my part of our promise.” They’re standing too close for Nick’s liking, him having been too focused on not letting Louis get away. it’d be embarrassing for him to move away now, so he just keeps standing there, careful to keep his eyes level with Louis’. “I got a dog.”

“It wasn’t really a promise Nick.” Louis sounds angry now, for some reason. Like he can’t honestly believe that Nick is saying what he is. “I didn’t mean it.”

“So you’re still together with Liam or what?” Nick feels devastated. It feels like his heart has literally just dropped down to his stomach. It’s not like he was expecting Louis to just leave Liam like that, but the realisation that they might still be together hurts.

“No, I did break it off with him.” Louis is looking everywhere but directly at Nick, eyes flitting around the room. He looks nervous and scared and it’s everything Nick never wanted; for Louis to be anything but happy.

“So you’re not together with him?” Nick asks relieved, and if it comes out a bit breathless Nick isn’t to blame. This is everything he wants. He feels hope swelling up in his stomach, his heart carefully moving back where it belongs.

“No,” Louis says carefully. He still doesn’t look Nick in the eye.

“I-.” Nick doesn’t know what to do. Does he hug him? Kiss him? He doesn’t know if their one shared kiss means that Louis feels the same. Maybe he might’ve just needed to try it out, to see if he was all wrong about Liam. Maybe he did it because Nick initiated it. Nick doesn’t know, but what he knows is, that if he doesn’t do it now then he’ll probably end up never doing it. It’s now he’s got the courage.

“I like you so much Louis,” he ends up saying. It’s barely above a whisper and he’s so scared of ruining it all. He reaches a hand out carefully and takes Louis’, hoping that it’s okay. “So, so much you have no idea.”

That makes Louis look at him, he looks both sad and happy somehow. Louis squeezes his hand and Nick feels like he’s about to burst at the seams with feelings. “I know you do,” he says, voice as the same level as Nick’s. “I like you too.” He looks down at their hands, intertwining their fingers. “But-”

“No come on,” Nick interrupts him carefully. “No buts, let’s just.” He raises his other hand and places it against Louis’ jaw, stroking his thumb against Louis’ cheekbone. “No buts, please.”

Louis shakes his head at that and before Nick’s brain has registered any movement, Louis has raised himself up on his tippy toes and is pressing their mouths together.

If Nick had thought their first kiss was good this must be everything. If it was possible Nick would be pouring all his feelings into this kiss, instead he squeezes Louis’ tighter and moves his hand so his fingertips are just grazing the hair behind Louis’ ear, hoping that is says everything he can’t. It feels more like a goodbye than a hello.

Louis pulls away way too quick for Nick’s liking.

“God Nick,” Louis says when he’s back on his feet. He uses his free hand to wipe under his eyes, removing any stray tears. “You have to know that I want to be with you, I want it so much. But I can’t do it right now.”

“Why not?” Nick moves his hand from Louis’ face to the nape of his neck, stroking his thumb across the soft skin there. “If we both want to? It shouldn’t be this difficult.”

“I just got out of a four year long relationship. What wouldn’t everyone think if I left Liam one day and then showed up with a new boyfriend the next?” Louis looks devastated and torn, like he doesn’t know if he should just say fuck it, to it all and be with Nick.

“Who cares what everyone thinks?”

“I care, and it’s not only that. I’ve got so much to think about, you know? I need some time to just be myself,” Louis says. Nick understands that. He’s not going to push Louis into a relationship.

“I get that. But please, promise me, that the second you’re ready, come to me, okay? I care about you so much.” Nick doesn’t care about consequences, he’ll lay all out on the table if it means Louis will be his to touch and hold and love.

“I will, promise.” Louis lifts his own hand, placing it on top of Nicks before he removes it. He presses a kiss to Nick’s palm before he ducks under his arm and darts out of the room with the papers he’d been standing with when Nick interrupted him. His right hand, the one he’d been holding Louis’ with feels awfully cold now that Louis’ touch is gone.

If he goes home and cries a little bit into Pig’s fur, no one has to know.

~*~

Nick doesn’t see Louis for about a month after that, Louis must’ve changed his hours. Because Nick waits around for him sometimes, hoping to just get a glimpse of him, see how he’s doing, if he’s all right.

But he doesn’t see Louis, and Nick hates that he feels as miserable as he does about it.

He’s never had this little enthusiasm to get out of bed and go to work. He wants to stay at home with Pig and mope about how much he already misses Louis.

It's concerning how much his life already is revolving around Louis. He's all Nick’s thinking about.

It’s come to the point where even Nick’s friends have started to notice that something is wrong. He hasn’t told anyone of course, beside Harry. It’s not like he’s keeping it from them. It’s more like his friends from outside of work is from a different life. They don’t know who Louis is or why Nick is so messed up over him. It’s easier to just pretend that nothing is wrong. But now he’s gone and screwed it all up by being sad about Louis.

He appreciates his friends for not saying anything, they just keep sending him silent worried glances. Colleen tried to bring it up at one point, but he shut it down the second she asked him what’s wrong. It’s not that he doesn’t want to share how he feels with them, it’s just that he’s trying to be okay and talking about Louis does nothing to help Nick forget him. Because it’s been a month and Louis hasn’t even texted him.

Nick might just be impatient.

He’s considered calling Louis himself, but he keeps thinking that it isn’t what Louis wanted him to do. Louis will come to him when he’s ready. It just kills him to know that Louis is out there, single and that he actually reciprocates Nick’s feelings.

But he respects that Louis needs time.

“Hey, you doing something after work?” Nick asks Harry one day, a few weeks after Louis’ left. He’s been good lately, thinking about Louis a less frequently than he used to. Today’s just been a shitting day and to top it all off the last song they’d queued up was the song that Louis liked that one time at the bar.

“Nothing really, why?” Harry answers, smiling. He’s always so happy, Nick doesn’t know how he does it.

“Wondered if you wanted to go grab some lunch?” It’s mostly because he feels oddly lonely lately, even though he often hangs out with friends and he talks to loads of people every day.

“Yeah, sure.” Harry looks up at the wrist watch he’s wearing. “I’m done in 10, wait for me here?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Nick rolls up the sleeves of his jumper, the weather is getting a lot warmer what with the summer approaching so rapidly. He crosses his arms and looks out of the window.

It takes exactly 12 and a half minute before Harry reappears, jacket slung over his elbow and half of his hair tucked into a bun atop his head. ”Shall we get going?”

Nick nods, smiling for what feels like the first time in forever and leads Harry out of the building down to his car. They take a short road down to a little café that has the best veggie burgers ever, according to Nick.

“Oh my God, this is amazing,” Harry moans, mouth full of burger when they’ve ordered and their food has arrived.

“I told you, didn’t I?”

“You did.” Harry takes another bite, chewing obnoxiously. “You’ve officially ruined McDonalds for me forever.”

Nick laughs. They eat in silence for a while, enjoying their burgers before Harry speaks up. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Nick asks, licking a bit of dressing off his thumb. He hopes that it isn’t obvious how much he fears it’s about Louis.

“It’s just like-” Harry stops, placing his burger back on the plate and dries his hands in the napkin. His places his hands in his lap. "Are you all right?”

“Me? I’m fine, yeah.” Nick isn’t sure how true that actually is.

“You don’t have to lie to me Grimmy, I know you’re not fine.” Harry sounds almost pitying and Nick hates it.

“I’m not, all right? I don’t think so at least. But honestly what did you expect?” Nick shrugs, looking down at his hands in his lap. This might be only time he’s ever felt something that resembles awkward in Harry’s company.

“It’s okay not to be all right. I don’t blame you. It must have been damn difficult, what with going from seeing him every day to never,” Harry says.

Nick runs a hand through his hair, not caring that it might mess up his carefully styled quiff. “Yeah, but I can’t imagine how it must have felt for him. Like, he had to break up with Liam on top off all this mess.” Nick pokes at a fry with his fork. “You know, he hasn’t contacted me once since he left. Have you talked to him?”

“Yeah, we talk sometimes. Our hours align once in awhile.” Harry actually looks kind of sheepish about it, and that wasn’t what Nick wanted at all.

“Sorry, sorry. It wasn’t meant like, accusing. It’s all right that you talk to him. I just miss him, is all. How is he doing?”

“Fine I guess, why don’t you just text him, ask if he’s all right?” Harry suggests, not unkindly.

“I couldn’t do that. It’d be awkward as hell, considering that my feelings having subsided one bit.” Nick sighs, defeated. “He wouldn’t want that anyway. I’m giving him the space he asked for.”

Harry drop the topic then, much to Nick’s satisfaction.

~*~

Nick manages to not think about Louis much for most of the summer. He’d gotten exactly one text from Louis since then, just a simple you coming to mums and dans wed? he’d doubted if going would be the right thing to do when he’d gotten the invitation sometime late spring, but the thought of actually seeing Louis in real life for the first time in forever was too tempting to say no to. Nick does still love him after all.

So he'd texted back a simple yeah and called Dan to tell him that he was coming.

So that’s why he’s here now, outside of the massive tent they must’ve put up for the reception. He pulls his blazer tighter around his chest in anticipation. Louis is most likely in there.

He realises that he’s wrinkling his blazer so he straightens it out, ignoring the little voice in his head telling him that he shouldn’t. He’s wearing the shirt Louis made him buy, by mistake. He’d been about two minutes away from where the reception is held, when he had realised it.

It’s a beautiful place really, the tent is set up in some kind of mansions garden, filled with flowers and greens, trees and a pond. The weather is beautiful too, typical late july. It’s hot out and the warmth from the sun is giving it a little bit extra. There’s just a few clouds peeking forward behind the tall trees, but it’s not anything that overshadows the blue, blue sky. It makes Nick think of Louis’ eyes.

He’s pathetic.

He walks into the tent then, instead of standing outside looking like a twat.

The first person he sees is Louis, of course. His eyes still working like magnets after several months of no contact at all. He’s wearing a blue suit, the colour really bringing out his eyes even from across the room. Nick still loves him as much as before.

Louis looks up then and they lock eyes. It kind of feels like drinking water after the worst drought. Like he’s been starved of Louis and just looking at him now is fulfilling all his needs. He thinks fuck it and is just about to head Louis’ way when he’s attacked by a baby of a man, wrapping himself around Nick.

“Nick! I’m so happy you made it,” Dan says, when he’s unwrapped himself. Nick fiddles with the gift in his hands, handing it over to Dan before he opens his mouth to talk.

“Me too, sorry I’m a little late. Some stuff got in the way.” He hopes Dan doesn’t notice but he’s subtly trying to look over his shoulder, seeking out Louis in the crowd. It’s a lie of course, he’d been panicking at home about seeing Louis again. He’d been ready ages before he left, and was just about to call Dan and tell him he’d become sick, when he realised that he couldn’t do that. Louis shouldn’t have that kind of power over him.

He’s gone now, though. As much as Nick had been trying to keep an eye on him.

Nick internally shakes his head at himself, if it’s meant to be he’ll bump into Louis later.

The inside of the tent is just as beautiful as Nick had imagined it’d be. It’s big and bright and filled with fairy lights, lanterns and beautifully decorated tables. There’s two huge holes in the tent, used as doors, where people in fancy clothes are milling in and out. He spots Jay across the room, talking to an older lady. She’s wearing a beautiful headpiece and a simple lace dress with sheer sleeves. She’s gorgeous and it’s obvious where Louis got his beauty from. Just looking at her makes his heart ache with love for the other man. He’s pathetic.

It’s a nice reception, with great food and fabulous company. Nick’s got nothing to complain about, except for the way his eyes keep finding Louis’ across the room. Louis is always looking back at him, but every time Nick tries to approach him, he disappears. He just wants to talk, that’s all. But he’ll respect it if Louis doesn’t want to.

And considering how Louis always manages to be surrounded by people, he doesn’t want to. 

It’s not until later that day, when Nick is pleasantly buzzed from the free bar and champagne on the tables, when the sun is setting, that Nick sees Louis alone at the bar. His quiff has wilted and he looks tired, but happy and there hasn’t been a day where Nick doesn’t think he’s the most beautiful person he’s ever met.

He walks up to him, gathering courage along the way. He just wants to talk, God. He somewhat sneakily slides up besides Louis.

“Hey Lou,” he says, voice quiet.

Louis doesn’t do a double-take like Nick kind of expected. He just takes a sip of the loud coloured drink in his hand and looks at Nick.

“Hi Nick,” he says, voice so soft and the look on his face almost makes Nick cry. It’s the first time he’s thought that Louis probably meant it, when he said he liked Nick back then. He looks so nervous, but so so fond at the same time.

“Can we talk?” Nick asks, desperately hoping Louis will say yes. Louis just looks at him considering for a moment as he takes another sip from his drink. It’s has a little umbrella and a straw, that Louis foregoes to drink directly from the glass. The lights from the many lanterns and fairy lights reflects in Louis’ eyes when he looks down, and Nick realises than, that he’s looking at the shirt. The shirt. 

“Yeah,” Louis says then a bit breathlessly, snapping Nick out of the little trance he’d fallen into. “Do you want to go outside?” He thumbs over his shoulder, indicating one of the openings of the tent.

“Yeah, come on.” Nick considers if grabbing Louis’ hand would be too much. He shoves them into the pockets of his dress pants instead and walks down a little path straying away from the main tiled one. He can hear Louis’ footsteps behind him, his fancy shoes crunching against the gravel. He’s not really sure where he’s heading, just that he needs a little privacy with Louis. When they’re so far away from the reception, that the music playing and the people talking is just a buzz in the background, Nick stops. He turns to face Louis. Louis is standing there, looking at Nick with big eyes, almost as if he’s concerned. Nick presses his hands deeper down his pockets and hunches his shoulder up to his ears. It’s not that he’s cold, he’s just a bit relentless, doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“You wanted to talk?” Louis asks.

“Yeah, it’s just-,” Nick pauses for a moment, looking out over the little pond next to them. It’s such a romantic place, and Nick’s not sure if he thinks it’s appropriate. The sun hasn’t set properly yet, is still painting the sky an array of warm colours, oranges and pinks reflecting on Louis’ face. There’s a little bench by the pond, underneath a huge old willow and Nick wishes that they were here under other circumstances. “You haven’t called.” He shrugs, feigning indifference and doesn’t look away from a fallen leaf creating circles in the water. He doesn’t want to let on how much it’s killing him.

“Sorry,” Louis says, and when Nick finally looks over at him, he looks it.

“No don’t be, I shouldn’t have-” Nick shrugs. “Put you on the spot like that or something. Both back then and now, I just. I should be the one saying sorry.”

“It’s okay Nick,” Louis says.

“You shouldn’t think that I speak for a living. I’m not making any sense.”

“You do. I get it,” Louis reassures him. There’s a little smile appearing at the corner of his mouth.

Nick feels a smile tugging at his lips. Louis always manages to do that.

"Are you all right?” Nick asks. He knows all this must have been hard on Louis, what with breaking it off with his long term boyfriend and telling his family on top of all the wedding planning.

“Yeah,” Louis answers, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I’m fine. Good actually.”

“How about Liam? Is he all right?” Nick doesn’t know if he’s crossing any lines. He’s just been dying to know. He’s used so much time telling himself that it wasn’t his fault that Louis and Liam didn’t work out. Louis hadn’t been in love with him for long, Nick was just that push he needed in the right direction. Still though, he feels like it’s his fault.

“He’s good, yeah. Or I think so, haven’t talked to him much.” Louis’ jaw visibly tightens. “He didn’t take it that well, but our parents still talk and mum told me that he recently started dating again. So. I’m happy for him, that he’s not stuck with me anymore-”

“Louis-” Nick tries to interrupt.

“- He did tell me that he was grateful that I told him, instead of just, leading him on. Making him think that we actually had a chance of being together forever.”

“Louis,” Nick tries again.

“No, no. It’s fine, I’m fine. Promise.”

“What about you?” Nick can’t help but ask then.

“What about me?”

“Have you started dating again?” He’s almost afraid of the answer. He’s well aware that his feelings for Louis have always been much stronger than Louis’ feelings for him.

Louis looks at him from where his gaze had shifted onto his hands. He looks soft and fond and nervous. Nick can’t help but think that he doesn’t have any reason to be nervous.

“No. It’s stupid though.” He shrugs. “I kind of like this other guy, have forever.” He gives Nick a meaningful look and Nick instantly gets it.

“I’m crazy about you honestly,” he says then, because it’s true and he’s not sure if Louis’ understood it yet. “I fancy you rotten.”

“God, Nick,” Louis says with a bit of a laugh. Nick doesn’t even have time to react before Louis has wound his arms around Nick’s neck and is tugging him down and pressing their lips together in their second kiss ever. The initial shock lasts about two milliseconds before Nick grabs his hips and pulls them closer to each other, to kiss him back. The kiss is soft and more than all just them smiling against each others mouths. Louis unwinds his arms but doesn’t move away, he just places his hands on Nick’s jaw, deepening the kiss. It’s passionate but not leading anywhere. It doesn’t really evolve further than that and it’s only when Nick’s jaw aches he pulls back a bit and rests his forehead against Louis’. It feels like they’ve been kissing for an eternity.

“We should get back, they’ll probably be wondering where we are.”

“We didn’t even get to talk probably,” Nick reasons. He doesn’t want to let go of Louis just yet.

“I’ll call you sometime next week, all right?” Louis says, smiling up at him. “Promise.”

“Okay, all right. Just remember that- I like you. So much.” Nick feels like this would be the perfect time to tell Louis that he loves him. He’s just afraid to scare him off. So he just repeats himself, “I like you an incredibly crazy amount.” He’ll tell Louis when the time is right.

“I like you an incredibly crazy amount too, in case you didn’t know,” Louis tell him, and he’s flushing bright red. God, Nick loves him. Louis scratches his short fingernails along the short hair at Nick’s neck and places a kiss to his jaw. His other hand has found the way down to where Nick’s shirt isn’t buttoned properly. He’s smiling a bit, and he has definitely noticed that it’s the one he made Nick buy.

Nick leans down and steals a last kiss before they are to return to the party.

“We’ll talk,” Louis says, and he pecks Nick’s lips one last time. “See you.”

The rest of the reception is as lovely as the first part and even though they don’t talk for the rest of the evening, Nick makes sure to keep his eyes on Louis at all times.

~*~

They don’t get to see each other until about a month later. They’ve been texting but Louis had to stay at home to watch his siblings while his mum and Dan were on their honeymoon. Nick’s been giddy, there’s no denying that. His colleagues keep sending him weird looks and Harry, who’s gotten a proper job at the BBC, can’t stop smiling at him because he knows. It’s stupid because they’re not together or anything and they haven’t talked properly yet, but Nick is so happy.

They’ve texted constantly since Louis texted him a simple hey the day after the wedding. They talk about everything and nothing and all in between. It’s more irrelevant things like what they’ve been doing or something that happened at work or with Louis’ siblings. They never talk about the important things though, like what they are or when they’re going to see each other again and what going to happen after that. The texts are filled with i miss you’s and it’s true, it really is. Nick misses him so much. It’s insane to think that it’s only been a month.

So all in all, it’s a bit of a surprise when Louis one day shows up at his doorstep at 11 pm. Nick is just getting ready for bed. He doesn’t have work tomorrow but it’s been a long day.

So when his doorbell rings he spits the foaming toothpaste into the sink and pushes his glasses back in place before he walks to the front door. He’s not expecting anyone. If he had been, he’d been prepared better. As it is, he’s wearing a sweater, holey jeans and nothing else. His hair is messy and he’s wearing his glasses, because he already took out his contacts. The last person he expects to see is Louis. They haven’t arranged anything and Nick bare feet are getting a bit cold from the wind outside.

He doesn’t realise he’s gaping before Louis clears his throat and let’s out a little, “hi!”

“Louis,” Nick says, snapping his mouth shut. “I didn’t-, you’re here?”

“I’m here, yeah,” Louis says hesitating a bit. “I don’t know if you-?” He looks over Nick’s shoulder, indicating the livingroom.

“No, I’m alone. Was just getting ready to bed, as you can probably tell.” Nick gestures to his outfit and let’s out a little laugh. Louis smiles at him.

“Yeah, I see. So you’re not busy?”

“No, not at all.” Nick is never busy when it’s Louis asking.

“I wanted to talk to you, like. Proper,” Louis says then, looking nervous. Nick thinks that Louis has no reason to look nervous. He’s made it very clear that he’s all in with this thing they’re doing.

“Yeah, all right. Do you want to come inside?” Nick asks, because Louis is still standing outside, snuggled in a big hoodie.

“Yeah, sure.” Louis shuffles his feet on the doormat, to keep the wet from the drizzling rain outside.

“Living room?” It’s more awkward than Nick would’ve thought it’d be. He doesn’t really know where they stand and he can just barely control the urge he has to grab Louis and just snog him silly.

Nick settles down in the sofa, pulling a pillow into his lap out of reflex. Louis settles down onto the sofa next to Nick, but far enough away for them not to touch.

“Do you want tea?” Nick asks, because Louis hasn’t said anything.

“Oh, um no thanks. I won’t be able to sleep if I have tea this late.” He clears his throat then, Nick breaking the silence have given him the courage to talk, apparently. He angles himself closer to Nick, pulling his leg up under himself and facing Nick. “I wanted to talk about us, like. What are we? Where do we stand?” He gestures a hand between them. “What’s up with us?”

There’s a little smile playing at his lips, so Nick’s not worried.

“I don’t know, like.” Nick thinks for a second, that now might be the right time to drop the bomb. “I’m crazy in love with you, you know? I don’t care what you want us to be or want you want us not to be. I just want you to be happy.” He scratches at the hairs tickling his neck. He needs a haircut. “I wish you’d have given me a bit of a warning ‘bout coming over. I would have prepared a proper speech and all. About how much I love you.”

“I- you- love me?” Louis stutters out, his eyes are blown wide and his face is flushed completely beet red. Nick doubts for one second if he maybe shouldn’t have done it, before Louis leans over and presses their lips together. Kissing Louis is still so new and so, so good. Nick wants to kiss him until it’s literally not possible anymore. Until they’re both out of breath and starving to the point where they physically can’t anymore. He could make a living out of it.

Louis pulls back, though, when it’s been a couple of minutes. 

“God, I- my feelings for you are insane.” It’s not an I love you but Nick can work with it. “I want to be with you, so much.”

Nick leans in to kiss him again, but Louis stops him with a finger against his lips. “But,” he says. “I think we should take it a bit slow, you know? Not just when it comes to sex, but also with telling people. I’ve only ever been with Liam, you know that, so it’s all a bit scary,” Louis suggests, and Nick understands.

He nods then, pressing a gentle kiss to Louis’ lips.

“Whatever you want, really. As long as I get to be with you.”

They both lean forward and let their lips meet. It’s fireworks and glitter and sparkles and everything Nick’s ever read about, because Louis might finally be his. There is still so much to talk about, so much they need to figure out. But it doesn’t matter right now, because Louis wants to be kissed and who is Nick to deny him?

It’s just then that Pig has decided that she’s had enough of being ignored and trots into the living room, pushing her snout into Louis’ leg and gives him a proper sniff, because he’s a new smell and they haven’t met yet.

“You must be Pig, huh?” Louis murmurs in a silly voice as he reaches a hand down to give her a scratch behind the ear. “You’re the cutest thing ever, aren’t you? Yes, you are.”

Louis is giving it all, getting down on his knees on the floor to scratch her stomach and to talk excitedly to her. Nick would be lying if he said that he wasn’t jealous that Pig has stolen all of Louis’ attention, but it’s all right.

He can’t help but fond over them a ridiculous amount, until he hears, “you like me better than Nick don’t you? He gave you a stupid name. I would have called you something cool, like. Bruce or something. Like The Hulk.” He’s whispering it, but Nick hears it clearly.

“Oi,” Nick protests. “She’s a girl. You can’t call her Bruce.”

“I can call her whatever I want,” Louis sniffs, before going back to petting the dog.

“Okay, Louise.”

Louis frowns up at him then. “That’s just a little weird, Nick.”

“Yeah, well.” Nick shrugs, and just then Pig gets up and trots away for some unknown reason. She’s probably got some important dog-business to attend to. “See, you offended her.”

“Uh, as if. She doesn’t even know what I’m saying,” Louis claims. It doesn’t even last long enough for Louis to get properly up onto the sofa again, before Pig returns, favourite toy between her teeth. She places it on top of Louis’ thighs before sitting down at his feet, tongue out and wide eyes staring up at him.

“Hah, see! I’m her favourite, she likes me better.”

Nick just rolls his eyes, as he picks up the toy and throws it on the floor, for Pig to get. He leans over and captures Louis’ lips in a kiss.

“Maybe I shouldn’t fight you about her, but her about you,” he murmurs. Louis just grins, pressing a kiss to Nick’s cheek before he gets down on the floor to continue stealing Nick’s dog.

That night, Louis stays over at Nick’s. It’s too late to drive back to Doncaster, to his mum’s. Nick doesn’t think about what it means that Louis hasn’t found a new place to stay since selling the place he had with Liam.

Nick’s just crawled under the duvet when Louis comes out of the bathroom. He’s wearing a pair of tight pants and a borrowed t-shirt of Nick’s. He crawls under the duvet and snuggles a bit tentatively up to Nick, like he’s not sure that it’s allowed. He must be insane to think that Nick doesn’t want him as close as possible as often as he can. So he reaches an arm out, pulling Louis into his side.

“I love you,” Nick tells him, because now he’s allowed. Louis cuddles closer to him, placing his head on Nick’s shoulder. Nick feels him smile against his shoulder and he presses a kiss to the top of Louis’ head. “So much.” It doesn’t matter that Louis’ not ready to say it back, or that he might not even feel the same. As long as they’re together, Nick is content.

~*~

Nick is aware that him and Louis established that they would take it slow with sex, not because either of them haven’t tried it or anything. It's just that Louis' never been with anyone other than Liam and Nick understands that jumping into another relationship after only being with the same person for years, is kind of overwhelming. Nick loves him though, so he respects and accepts that they'll do it whenever Louis feels ready.

That doesn't explain why Nick currently has Louis' dick as far down his throat as he can and two fingers buried deep in his arse. It's only been three weeks and even though they've only exchanged handjobs, this feels like it's going somewhere.

"Nick- Nick, come on. I can take one more," Louis demands, arching his back, fucking himself down onto Nick's fingers.

Nick pulls off to ask, "You sure?" and Louis whines loudly.

"Yes," he hisses impatiently, as he keeps pushing down on the fingers. "Stop teasing. Get back-" he cuts himself off as he lifts a leg and places his foot on the back of Nick's neck to push down to continue what he was doing. Nick chuckles as he presses a kiss på Louis’ hipbone.

“Impatient,” he murmurs, before he sucks Louis down again. He pulls the two fingers out, and ignores the loud protesting noise Louis makes to push back in with three. The sound Louis lets out then - a little satisfied breath, that alluded that this was just what he wanted. Nick would smirk if his mouth wasn’t full of cock.

He pulls off after fingering Louis thoroughly for a few minutes. “You think you’re ready?”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on Nick,” Louis breathes out. He’s flustered and sweaty and Nick is glad they finally got together; he’s not really sure he’s been properly alive before he saw Louis like this.

Nick leans up to kiss him as he reaches over and fumbles with his bedside table, grabbing a condom.

“You sure you want to do this?” Nick asks, as he fiddles with the condom, not quite tearing it open yet.

“Yes, come on Nick. Fuck me. If I wasn’t sure we wouldn't be in this position right now.”

“No?” Nick asks, just to rile Louis up as he tears open the condom package. He’s so hard, especially because he hasn’t even touched his cock once while he was preparing Louis. Even just pulling on the condom is almost enough for him to come. He doesn’t though, fortunately.

“Nick,” Louis whines, drawing out the name as he swings a leg around Nick’s waist to pull him in closer. “Come on.”

"All right, all right,” Nick murmurs as he grabs Louis’ other leg and wraps it around his waist too, and lines up.

When he pushes in, Louis throws his head back in the most obscene way, sweaty throat bared and little lips parted around the small delicious sounds he lets out. He’s gorgeous, so ridiculously gorgeous. 

Nick can’t believe it’s him making Louis look like this.

“I love you so much, you know?” he whispers into Louis’ neck, when he starts to trust in and out properly. He knows that Louis is going to make fun of him later, for being such a sap, but he doesn’t care right now. He feels like Louis has to know. He has to tell him. It’s ridiculous how he’d do anything for him.

“I know, yeah,” Louis breathes out, tangling his fingers in Nick’s hair. “You tell me all the time.” Nick does, he really does. He’s surprised that Louis hasn’t asked him to shut up about it yet.

He thinks that it might be his consciousness that tries to bribe Louis to finally say it back.

That wouldn’t be fair of him of course. Louis should only tell him when he’s ready, and when it’s true. When he really does love Nick. And if he doesn’t do that yet, then that’s all right. Nick isn’t going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt that Louis doesn’t love him.

He pistons his hips faster when Louis urges him on, pulling on his hair and murmuring a little, “c’mon. ‘m not gonna break.”

Nick fucks him proper then, careful not to treat Louis like he’s made of porcelain and careful not to be too reckless. 

It doesn’t last long before Louis sneaks a hand in between their bodies, grabbing a hold of his own cock to stroke it in sync with Nick’s trusts. He comes not long after, moaning loud and high and clenching down onto Nick’s cock.

He wraps his arms around Nick’s torso, pulling him close and whispering, “c’mon Nick, you’re so good. Fuck me so good.”

Nick seals their lips together then, kissing Louis like his life is depending on it. He pulls away after a minute, burying his face Louis’ sweaty neck as he whispers, “baby.” His thrusts come to a halt when he comes, filling up the condom. Louis’ got a hand in Nick’s hair and one on his back, stroking and scratching his short fingernails along the bumps of Nick’s spine, when he comes down from his high.

Nick leans over reunites their mouths, continuing from where they stopped moments before. It’s only when Louis starts pushing weakly at Nick’s shoulder that he realises that they’re still connected. He sits up, leaning back on his haunches as he carefully pulls the condom off and ties the end. Louis’ got him tied though, has wrapped his leg around one of Nick’s preventing him from getting of the bed. When Nick looks over at him, he’s got a sad pout and his face.

“Don’t leave,” he murmurs. Nick leans forward to kiss his nose and untangle their legs.

“It’ll take, like, 20 seconds,” he reassures Louis as he gets off the bed to throw the used condom out into the bathroom bin. He’s got a damp flannel in his hand as he returns, to clean Louis up, but when the bed comes into view, Louis’ flopped down onto his stomach, smearing the come all over the sheets.

“Lou,” Nick whines, placing a kiss on Louis’ shoulder blade to get his attention. “You’re getting the sheets messy.”

“So?” Louis asks, as he turns over, stretching his limbs so his spine cracks in a way so satisfying, that Nick can’t help but envy it.

“I’m not lying in that tonight,” Nick states, placing his hand on Louis’ stomach, scratching the hairs below his navel.

“Yeah, yeah.” Louis already looks half asleep as he nudges Nick into laying down. “I’ve an idea.” He then proceeds to lay down, almost all the way on top of Nick. His head resting on Nick’s chest and his leg thrown over both of Nick’s. Nick’s not opposed to the idea really.

“You know,” Louis says into his shoulder, getting it a bit wet with sleepy drool. Normally Nick would think it to be quite gross, but it’s Louis. So. “I love you too. I never told you that, but I do.”

He’s saying it like it’s such a casual thing, like it hasn’t just made Nick’s world all topsy-turvy. He presses his lips to Louis’ forehead, hoping that it says all the thousand words spinning around Nick’s head, that he can’t seem to get out.

Going to Dan’s engagement party might be the best thing Nick’s ever done.

**Author's Note:**

> say [hi](http://grimouis.tumblr.com/)


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